Your date went well, you made him laugh, he complimented you, and now he hasn’t contacted you in a week without explanation. What do you do?
It can mean a range of things when a guy suddenly ghosts you. Depending on how deep into dating you were, it can mean that he is simply not romantically interested in you or he might just be busy. To complicate things further, it can even mean he is trying to play hard to get.
When a man is truly interested in you, he should be relatively active on his phone in the foundational stage of your relationship, and although he might not reply within minutes, should surely do so within 42 hours.
When a guy messages you after a week of silence, it’s important to try to decipher the tone of his message before making a rash judgment about his intentions. He could have a very good explanation for his lack of communication and one should be open to hearing what he has to say.
Here are some tips on what to do and what to think when he hasn’t contacted you in a week:
Be yourself. Don’t try one-up him and take long to respond
There’s nothing worse than a cat and dog dating scenario. If he isn’t responding to you as quickly as expected, you shouldn’t match his delayed messages with some of your own.
Depending on how many dates you have been on and what stage your relationship has reached, you have full rights to contact him when you wish to.
Especially in the early phases of a relationship, it’s essential to be true to yourself and avoid hiding your personality behind a facade of uninterest. If you’re interested in this guy, don’t be afraid to make it known, and don’t be afraid to put yourself out there even at the risk of rejection.
If he doesn’t like you for who you are, there’s no point in taking the partnership further and it’s always better to find this out sooner than later.
On top of this, there’s nothing more attractive than a girl who knows exactly what they want and when they want it.
He might be doing exactly what you’re doing
Unless your last message was a very specific question or statement which warranted an immediate reply, keep in mind that if he hasn’t contacted you in a week, he could just be playing it cool, just like you might be.
Remember, in a message thread between two people, at least one of you will have to be left with that blue tick. You shouldn’t take a delayed response too seriously and should remember that he might just be busy and want to give you his full attention rather than half-hearted texts.
Don’t obsess over it. You can’t control everything
Even in the age of smartphones, social media, and instant messaging, many adolescents try their best to limit their phone usage to avoid getting pulled into the digital trap.
The average person in the UK spends about 3 hours and 23 minutes per day scrolling through their phones. It’s no secret that staring at a blue-lit screen for hours on end can have serious negative effects on your general wellbeing and physical health, and you should be mindful of people who choose to protect themselves from these technologies.
Generation-Z young adults are experts at obsessing over things that they have no influence over. This is one of those things, and it’s best to let whatever happens in a new relationship be, adjusting your actions accordingly. Remember, you can’t control everything.
Keep yourself occupied
The best thing you can do when faced with a ghosting situation is to sit back, try to relax, and avoid waiting for a message.
If you manage to keep yourself busy and occupied, time will pass by quicker and you won’t be tempted to watch your notifications like a hawk.
Go out with some friends and enjoy a night on the town, stay busy with work, and keep up your general exercise regime. Staying healthy by doing regular exercise and eating well correlates with an increase in health, happiness, satisfaction, and overall confidence.
As a general trend, the better you feel, the healthier you will look and the more confident you will be to deal with whatever his next text might bring.
Lower your expectations
More often than not, females attach unrealistic expectations to new relationships. Just like good wine, a good relationship takes time to mature, and you need to be mindful not to set yourself up for failure by expecting too much from a man.
Young adults are by nature experimental and non-committal. About 8% of American adolescents engage in casual dating, 20% in cohabiting, and 25% record not being in any relationship at all. Omitting married couples, exclusive relationships only account for 27% of the population.
High-expectations can be related to lowered confidence, motivation, and happiness.
Even more so, if the high expectations of your love interest manage to reach them through gossip, they will often be caught off-guard and could panic and run away.
Keep your expectations low until you have something real to go by, and better yet, keep your thoughts to yourself and try not to share your expectations with friends and acquaintances who might pass on the news.
Give him another chance – or not
Depending on whether he left you hanging on an easy-to-respond question or a vague conversation, you might want to consider giving him a second chance. As mentioned, you are never sure of his circumstances. He might have had a busy week or even lost his phone and it wouldn’t hurt to hear his side of the story. Who knows, he might just be the one.
However, it all comes down to how you feel. If you believe he has no excuse not to respond to your message or ask how you are doing within a whole week, let him go and don’t look back.
You don’t want to have to try too hard to get a little bit of attention, and only you will know your limits and expectations as they relate to your situation.
Don’t make assumptions
The worst thing you can do is assume that because he hasn’t contacted you in a week, he isn’t interested in you, or better yet, that he has started dating someone else.
You should try to avoid bad assumptions and remember that there could be a perfectly valid reason for his delay. Going over the situation and the last time you saw him in your head could drive you crazy.
Assumptions, whether negative or positive, will only lead you to being dissatisfied. Here are two scenarios which paint this picture clearly:
- If you expected more from him, you will only be disappointed in him for not reaching your expectations
- If you suspect him to be playing you and he isn’t, he might be so insulted by your accusation that he will lose interest in you
Don’t stalk his social media
Good advice for any relationship is to avoid browsing through images of him during uncertain times. Do you actually want to see who liked his photos and who he has started hanging out with?
This can only result in over-obsession of small things that might mean absolutely nothing to him.
Take a step back and get some perspective
Fixating on the fact that he hasn’t texted you in a week can only drive you further into worry.
Ways to get perspective:
- Go for a walk and get out of the house. Don’t mope around and feel sorry for yourself as you await his reply. A change of scenery can be a great way to look at your situation from a different point of view.
- Chatting with friends and family members can also bring some fresh opinions and perspectives.
- Answer this question ‘Will this matter to me in a year’. If not, it’s likely not worth your worry now.
- Change your routine. Overhauling your daily routine and adding in some time for yourself can be a great way to change your perspective.
- Consider your five-year plan. Close your eyes and imagine what you want your life to look like five years from now. If this man is not in the picture or the thought of him doesn’t spark great excitement and happiness, get rid of him while it’s still early.
- Look at your situation from a bird’s eye view. Imagine you were hearing a friend complain about a guy not responding quick enough. What would you advise your friend?
Realise he might be playing games because he likes you
A lot of the time, younger males tend to play ‘hard to get’ when they like a girl. This can be incredibly frustrating for women who prefer to be straightforward and honest about their feelings.
It could be worth getting the inside scoop from one of his friends to find out how interested in you he actually is.
Most importantly, it’s important not to settle for a man you know isn’t going to serve you right in your life. If a guy hasn’t texted you in a week, be true to yourself and decide if he is worth pursuing or if you would be better off not wasting your time.