If you’re sitting there wondering “should I text him”, read these 16 golden rules to read before you send that message.
Women are complex creatures, and when we get stuck in complicated situations, things get even more chaotic.
A confusing situation calls for clarity – which is why I’m here. If you’re wondering whether you should text him first or if texting a guy is a bad idea overall, you’ve come to the right place.
Here are the 16 golden rules to read before you text him!
1: Count how many times you’ve texted him already
According to science, playing hard to get does increase your desirability to a certain degree.
This isn’t to say you should play silly mind games or never show any interest – in dating, it’s always important to balance honesty and interest with a sense of the mysterious.
While honesty sets a good foundation for a relationship, mystery adds some excitement.
If you already texted him a couple of hours ago, try and give him some space to get back to you. Love-bombing someone rarely works.
If he likes you back, he’ll text.
2: Have a valid reason to text him first
No matter if you’ve seen a funny meme that made you think of him or if you want to talk about something serious, having a valid reason to text someone in the first place is a great way to establish a conversation.
Compare these two texts:
- “Hey, I’ve started reading the book you talked about yesterday and I really like it so far. I wonder what you think about the ending of chapter 2, though? It seemed a bit far-fetched.”
The latter is an excellent first move because it gives him something interesting to think about, as well as a clear guide on what to answer.
3: Make sure you’re absolutely sober
Okay, this totally needs highlighting:
If you’re drunk, don’t text him.
You’ll most likely regret it in the morning.
Always text a guy when you’re sober and can actually think things through.
4: Has he ever texted you first?
In every relationship, equality is essential.
If you’re always the one texting him first, try and take some time away from your phone. Spend a fun afternoon with friends, do some self-care.
Maybe the lack of communication from your side is exactly what he needed to remember how much he misses you. Before you know it, you might have multiple texts from him!
5: Does he put the effort into your conversations?
If you’ve spoken before, try to assess how responsive he’s been.
No matter how attractive the guy is, showing genuine interest is the absolute bare minimum. Don’t put your bar any lower than that.
If he doesn’t make an effort to communicate with you if you’re always waiting for days before he sends a half-hearted text message…
Maybe it’s better to never text him, full stop.
Q: How to text a guy you haven’t talked to in a while
A: The best course of action is to tell him what prompted you to text him, and then ask about his life.
Example: “Hey, a funny thing happened today…. (insert situation) I thought I’d reach out to see how you’re doing! How have you been?”
6: Think over the current dynamic of the relationship
The circumstances of your situation are completely individual, and whether you should text him largely depends on that.
If you’re: in a committed relationship with someone you’ve just had a fight with
Try: to give him some space and then text him first to figure things out together.
If you’ve: come back from the first date
Try: to give it a few hours before you text him first. Then thank him for a great date and feel free to ask him out on a second date.
If you’ve: been on a few dates already, he seemed interested but now he’s not very responsive
Try: to text him and gently ask if something’s wrong. Be honest about your feelings while staying respectful.
7: Honesty is usually the way to go
Before you text, it’s vital to have the right approach.
Most mature men appreciate honesty over game playing. Psychotherapists suggest that honesty can literally make or break a relationship, which means you should always try to make your words as genuine and respectful as possible.
Before you decide to send that message, make sure you’re being honest with that person.
You can’t see body language over text, so craft the message in a respectful and friendly way.
While admitting your true feelings opens you up to vulnerability, it also helps reaffirm confidence in your authentic self.
You’re a confident woman! Own it.
8: Make sense of your feelings
If you don’t know how you feel, he can’t help you. You’ll probably just confuse him as well.
Most women struggle with figuring out their emotions because there just seem to be so many of them, but if there’s something I know for sure, it’s that texting a guy to look for an answer from him is not going to help the relationship.
As long as you’re unsure about your true emotions, texting him might make things worse.
Are you in the middle of crafting a draft? I see you! Stop texting.
Go and figure out how you feel instead.
9: Determine if it’s the right time to text him
Timing often matters. So…
When is the right time to text a guy?
It’s best to text him in the afternoon or early evening because that’s when he’s certainly awake.
As for the number of days you should wait before you text him, it depends on the circumstances:
If you’re in a new relationship…
… and are all lovey-dovey with each other, chances are you like to text each other all the time.
Common sense is enough in such a case – if your guy is busy at work, for instance, he might not be able to respond. Try to limit your texting then, or make it clear that you don’t mind waiting for the person to respond.
If you’ve come back from a first date…
… give it a few hours to thank him for the date. If you feel like waiting, going a few days before reaching out is perfect, too.
It might also give him the time to pick up his phone and text you! Spend some time with your friends in the meantime and don’t think about it too much.
If you’ve started hanging out but don’t have a defined relationship…
Text him first whenever you want to reach out – just make sure to give the person enough space and time to answer your message.
It’s important you don’t wait glued to the phone for days on end! The best idea is to forget about him for a bit and focus on your other real-life relationships, for example, friendships or family relationships.
10: Avoid playing mind games when you can
It’s the modern times – courting rituals are mostly a thing of the past. In today’s world, it’s absolutely okay for women to text first and to ask guys out.
New relationships can be confusing for many women, though, especially when he’s a great guy who simply doesn’t spend a lot of his time texting.
In such cases, you may be tempted to play mind games – do things that confuse the person and prompt them to constantly prove they’re interested – but don’t forget that mind games are a sign of toxicity.
Psychologist Jeffrey Benstein PhD says that especially at the beginning stages of dating, this affects your mental health:
“Head games played at this stage lead to stress, confusion, and angst.”
Q: how long should I wait to text him back?
A: if you’re both interested, there is no need to wait before you text him back. a mature person will appreciate your interest. Psychologists also advise not to expect him to respond immediately.
11: Don’t be afraid to show your true self
In the same way that mind games hurt the relationship you’re building with the person you date, genuinely expressing you’re interested in him establishes trust and vulnerability between you.
It’s not wrong to talk about all the reasons why you like him. It is important, however, that the feeling is reciprocated.
If you’re sure he likes you back from a past conversation, go ahead and text him about how you feel.
Q: he hasn’t texted me all day. should I text him?
A: IF THINGS ARE GOOD BETWEEN YOU, you can definitely text HIM. MAYBE HE’S SIMPLY BEEN TOO BUSY TODAY.
12: Know when not to text him first
If you’re always the one texting him first and keeping the conversation going, he’s probably not as interested. In that case, it’s best to let go.
You deserve someone who will hear you out and answer your messages with care and affection.
13: Learn how to text a guy correctly
Communication is 90% nonverbal. When you text someone, you’re relying on a mere 10% to convey the message.
Texting a guy correctly is therefore vital. The three components that should be present when you text him include:
- Honesty. Don’t try to manipulate the situation, simply be yourself when texting.
- Confidence. Guys love it when the women they date are confident and happy with themselves.
- Respect. Instead of demanding his immediate answer, show that you don’t obsess over whether he texts today or not. Respect his free time and his responsibilities.
14: Know that texting him first is a sign of confidence
You should never have to feel bad if you’re the one to text him first. Most guys love confident women and appreciate it when women aren’t too shy to reach out to talk to them.
The best kind of confidence you can show is described by psychologists thus:
“It’s an awareness of who you are, regardless of how you compare or measure up to others. It shows people that you’re comfortable with yourself, which grants you a certain poise, charm, or assertiveness.”
As long as you don’t go overboard, texting the guy you like might be a good idea!
15: Get ready to face the truth
If you’re texting him to find out whether he likes you back or not, be ready to face the truth.
It might be harsh. It might mean the end of that endless hoping.
In the end, though, it’s for the best – whatever the outcome. Dating someone who loves you with all their heart is worth some rejections.
16: Take charge of your life
When you make an effort to take charge of your life, things no longer just happen to you.
You actively go and create your life. This gives you the power to make all your dreams come true, including finding the perfect boyfriend.
So, should you text a guy first?
If he’s been showing interest in you, you should definitely text him! Take charge of the situation and go after what you want.
If you’re the only one keeping the conversation going, however, you might be wasting your time.
Always know when to walk away. You deserve someone who cherishes you.
Know your worth. And find a partner who knows it, too.